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Salt Hill took a poem today. It's a newer poem. So far those newer poems are doing well in the world (Colorado Review and now Salt Hill... and, most importantly, I'm enjoying the hell out of writing them, even if they are coming awfully slowly)... though I just sent my largest batch of them out earlier this month so a lot is still up in the air... I hope the trend continues.

The NCAA tournament begins in less than 48 hours. Let the drama begin. I love this time of year.

Went to the OB yesterday (well, it was M's appointment, but you get the idea). Our baby is a kicker and puncher. M can't feel it at all yet because the baby is still so small (about 3 inches long head-to-rump), but it's amazing to watch on the ultrasound!

Some sad news: M's rottweiler has cancer and has to be put down. I wish there were some way for me to comfort her or help her grieve. I just feel so badly about it all. Poor pooch. She is maybe the sweetest, friendliest dog I have ever met. A heart of gold.

More later. Have to go to class.

John Rybicki

Fire Psalm Revisited


Lord, tilt your lamps
so the oil flows up

out of man. Take away
this relentless burning.

Let the stars sip
on my fires like tea.

Take the scalding light
back into heaven,

where bodies are built
for such things.

blackberry is my bitch

I got a new cell phone... a BlackBerry. Sweet. Now my email is mobile. Love it. I am officially the worst consumer ever.

We went to the doctor today. We heard Baby McDowell's heartbeat for the first time! It was incredible. I know it's such a guy thing to say, but I am just flabbergasted that there's a child growing in M's belly. I don't care how stupid it makes me sound to say it, but I am blown away every time I think of it. It's a miracle. Plain and simple. Miracle. Our official due date is now September 21st. We are getting excited. Furniture shopping has begun... very early stages... just looking around, keeping our eyes peeled. Still a long way to go.

Sometimes I am absolutely terrified about becoming a father. Other times I can barely control my excitement. Today I was excited. I hope I am tomorrow, too. And everyday after that. But I know the terror and fear and inadequacy will never go away... but that's only because I want so desperately to be a good husband, a good father, a good daddy. I pray every night and everyday for three things: M's health, the baby's health, and for patience, love, and more patience. Being pregnant is not easy for M... it's not easy for anyone. But sometimes she has a short fuse. My job is to be supportive, patient, and loving. I am trying so hard, but sometimes I still fail. I will never stop trying to be the best husband I can be. M, please bear with me, darling.

So many great people have won manuscript contests lately... but not me. I could list all the contests I've "lost," but I find that less helpful than celebrating the folks who have won the awards. So if you won an award that I didn't, congratulations! You are a rock-star and you deserve it all! One of these days, who knows, we might be press-mates. My manuscript is still out at a dozen places and will be going to a dozen more by the end of May. Here's to persistence!

I have two big projects to finish by the third week of April (the end of the semester here at WMU). A selection of book reviews for one class and a term-length essay for another. The book reviews will come together on time, I have no fears of this. But the term paper has got me nervous. More on that later. I meet with the Prof on Wednesday morning to discuss topic ideas and research. I feel like an undergrad all over again. It's scary and exciting at the same time... but more scary than anything.

I've never played Fantasy Baseball... until this year. I am in a league with some fellow poets from WMU. Our draft was tonight. Here's my team:

C Geovany Soto (ChC)
1B Mark Teixeira (Atl)
2B Brian Roberts (Bal)
SS Michael Young (Tex)
3B Miguel Cabrera (DET)

OF Carl Crawford (TB)
OF Torii Hunter (LAA)
OF Ken Griffey, Jr. (Cin)

UTIL Jason Bay (Pit)
UTIL Orlando Cabrera (ChW)

BN Carlos Delgado (NYM)
BN Hank Blalock (Tex)
BN Josh Willingham (Fla)
BN Frank Thomas (Tor)
BN Ryan Theriot (ChC)

SP Carlos Zambrano (ChC)
SP Dontrele Willis (Det)
SP Scott Kazmir (TB)

RP Bobby Jenks (ChW)
RP Eric Gagne (Mil)

P Todd Jones (Det)
P Ben Sheets (Mil)
P Ted Lilly (ChC)
BN Joe Blanton (Oak)

I have no idea what I'm doing, but I tried to pick a mixture of youth/veteran, National/American, single hitters/home-run hitters, strikeout pitchers/groundball pitchers. I don't know. It'll be fun anyway. I hope I don't embarrass myself.

I am writing again. Though with all the other assignments and grading and teaching and extra-curriculars I am not sure it'll continue. A project might be developing....

I sent out some poems for the first time in a while last week. I sent my 'long-ish' fractured poems to my favorite journals (Missouri Review, Laurel Review, other big name and fan-favorite journals). I'm hoping for just one hit. One hit is all I ask. Any of those poems in any of those magazines would be HUGE for me. Just huge, I say!

Okay, I have to go read some bs for a class tomorrow. You ever been in a class you want to like but just can't enjoy? I'm in one. And it's boring me to death, making me stress way more than I should.

More soon.

Peterson is rolling over in his grave

One of the most upsetting news stories I have read in a long time. This man should rot in hell. Of all the horrible things one can do, this is one of the most inexcusable on my list. What an asshole.

Other things, some good, some blah, are going on in the McDowell household. I'll update later. For now, I just had to share this right away.

I've been keeping up with all you bloggers... so much good news so close to spring!