Gizzi

How to Care for a Small Bird

for Elizabeth Willis

Given the baby bird crisis, what if
each child were delivered a bird

having tumbled from its nest

Two major problems evolve
One is feeding it

another preparing it for the wild

But before you build
a home of newsprint and yarn

try putting it back where it came
Remember its fear, think of its shock

to not be dead

beset in a hand
not yet full grown

moving through space
doing the best it can

do the sizzler, baby

Today I am 28.

I feel it too. The dog cried all night (Rilke, not Bella) and neither M nor I slept well. Not sure what Rilke's problem is, but it has to stop soon. That's four nights in a row.

Trying to write 2 pages of a collaborative essay for my Politics and the English Language course. I hate collaborative work. I love my group, but hate working in a group... especially at this level. Please. Who the hell has time to get together to plan a presentation AND write a 10-page paper? Ugh. And I am completely lost with our topic. I feel stupid. I mean, I understand it, but without the other parts of the essay I don't know how to frame my section, what to say, what not to say in order to avoid contradiction, etc. Group work at the Ph.D. level should be outlawed. It's just not practical. But like I said, I love my group members: really, really smart people!

Going out to dinner tonight to celebrate my birthday... I think. M has been doing well the last few days. I am very thankful. Her feeling well is easily the best birthday gift I could ever ask for.

David Keplinger and Heather Sellers read in town on Thursday night. Incredible. That's all I have to say. They were both incredible.

phlegm is like a moon in your throat

Two more rejections for the manuscript today: The National Poetry Review Book Award and The Vasser Miller Prize.

Blah.

So much money, so little reward.

Onward.

my throat hurts

Update: The summer 2008 issue of Colorado Review will feature (that's not the right word... I'm not a "feature attraction" in any way... but I'm tired and can't find a better word) my poem, "Forever Falling Off or Out" and will be published in July 2008. Yippee.

misery's the river of the world

And so my prayers all week have been with my alma mater. God help our youth. What is wrong with these fucking kids? It makes me sick. At any rate, I have been in touch with everyone I know on campus and off and they are all okay. Shocked, grieving, and undeniably changed forever, but okay. I took classes in that hall, I walked through the door the gunman used. The building right next to Cole Hall is Reavis Hall, home of the NIU English Department. No one in this country (hell, in this world) should ever be afraid to go to work... but now I, if only for a brief second, fear the classroom. The world we live in.

M had been in the hospital since Wednesday. Came home today. Hopefully things will be better now. Poor thing. She just wants to enjoy being pregnant... the hormones won't let her, yet. Soon though. Soon. Praying for her too.

On the good news side of things. See this. I didn't win, but that's two finalists nods this season. Maybe soon? I hope so. The manny is still out at 12+ places with a bunch more deadlines coming up. It's expensive and it's nearly killing me (the waiting, the anticipation), but there's no other way. I must persist.

Finally, I want to publicly (is this blog public?... boy, that opens a can of politicized language I don't want to eat out of) thank all of you for your congratulatory remarks on the impending baby. M and I appreciate it a great deal.

Huzzah, they can swim!!!

Big news time!!

I can finally announce it. All the family members know, all the closest friends know, and now all of you, my poetry friends and family will know.

Mandy is pregnant! We are only a couple months along. Our due date is the second or third week of September. WooHoo!! It's our first, and it happened the very first month we tried. We agreed after the holidays that we'd give it a year, we'd try all of '08, and wham! January it was! Wow!

I'm gonna be a daddy!! Holy shit.

M's having a really rough time with illness (the details of which I will politely spare you). Right now she's in the Antepartum unit of the hospital getting fluids, vitamins, and medications through an IV to help counteract the nastiness. She tried to tough it out at home, but the docs (for fear of severe dehydration) decided that a few days in the hospital might be the answer. It's not all too uncommon for this to happen during the first trimester, but it's still slightly nervewracking. But things will be okay after the 12 week mark (which isn't too far away)... so they keep telling us anyway. Let's pray that's true. I want so badly to celebrate her beauty, celebrate this time in our lives. Even though she's throwing up and feels like crap, I still find her more and more beautiful everyday knowing what's happening inside her body. It's the most beautiful thing I can ever imagine.

Anyway, we are extremely thrilled, overwhelmed, scared, and exhilirated. Oh my God.

I'm gonna be a daddy!!!

lemonade with hotsauce

How it is.

And how it looks.

fingers and toes = perpetually crossed

What it looks like out tonight. You can't really tell, but it's blowing soooooo hard, snowing sooooo hard, so much, so quickly. On the way home people were getting stuck trying to get up the locals hills because the roads were so slick (if only they knew how to drive though, they would have been fine... for instance, don't go 10mph when starting your ascent or you won't make it... speed up to 20 or 25 and you'll simply coast to the top... Michigan drivers are the worst I've ever been associated with... ever!).

The burger I had at Maison's. Wasn't the best burger I'd ever had, but it was damn close.

my haul, my gall... stone

AWP was a great time. Ran into some old friends, some new friends, some fellow bloggers. A sample of the blogger-people I ran into (if you're not listed, it's simply because my memory is awful and not because I didn't enjoy meeting you, talking with you) and what about them makes them special/interesting to me: Steve (so tall, so quiet, so nice), Mary (is there anyone alive more energetic, more happy, more inspiring?), Adam (my homey to the end... word), Mathias (such a sweet guy... had never met him before), Matt (Gooooooooo Cubbies!), Zach (Neutral Milk Hotel via email), Aimee (such a cute couple with Dustin... love them), Paul (don't know if I've ever seen someone glowing like Paul was this weekend), and others I simply don't remember at the moment. And I won't even mention all my BGSU buds and WMU buds and other old-school buds that I hung out with, dined with, and partied with (which was how I spent the majority of my weekend... with old friends).

No great stories to tell, though the $24 reubens I bought for Babs and me on Friday were pretty outstanding. I walked around the block twice (the wrong way, mind you) in POURING rain until I finally found the deli. It ended up okay though. Was a damn good sandwich. And they were from the famous Carnegie Deli. Yum. Expensive but yum.

Speaking of food. I ate a lot. Mike Czy (of MAR fame) found us a dynamite Indian joint on Friday night... was so crazy good. And the delicious little French-American place Maison was probably my favorite eatery of the weekend. The omelette was outstanding. And the coffee... oh my god, the coffee. Went there twice. Would have gone back again had time permitted.

Subscribed to 3 journals: jubilat, Redivider, and The Laurel Review. Holy shit, the new issue of TLR is incredible! Bought other journals, too. Also picked up contributor copies of Copper Nickel (holy hell it's the most beautiful journal I've ever seen... great work Jake and crew!), The Pinch (also incredibly beautiful design), and Barn Owl Review (so incredible... what a great first issue, what great company my lil poem's in).

Bought some books, too:

Poet's Bookshelf II, ed. Davis and Koontz (Barnwood Press)

Quarter Notes, Charles Wright (U of Michigan Press)

Equivocal, Julie Carr (Alice James)

The Floating Bridge, David Shumate (U of Pittsburgh Press)

The Monster Loves His Labyrinth, Charles Simic (Ausable)

My Soviet Union, Michael Dumanis (U of Mass Press)

National Anthem, Kevin Prufer (Four Way Books)

It's go in horizontal: Selected Poems, Leslie Scalapino (U of Cal Press)

The problem? Finding time to read all of these books... not to mention the other 100+ that are sitting unread on my shelves. I have an addiction. I know this.

So much fun in NYC at AWP this year. I do, however, think it's absurb to charge $11 for a beer, $17 for a mixed drink, and $43/day for parking. But whatever. It was my first trip to the Big Apple and I can't wait to take M back so I can actually see the sights. I only saw Time Sqare and Central Park. Oh and the Statue of Liberty from the airplane. Good-bye AWP. Until next year.