fraggle rock

I went to Winter Wheat... for a couple hours. M got sick and my sis took her to the ER. So I rushed home, of course. Thank God it's only a 2.5 hour drive. M is okay now. Winter Wheat, from what I understand, went swimmingly, and that makes me happy.

I've been nominated again this year for a Pushcart Prize. This excites me.

M and I went to Illinois this weekend for a wedding. The wedding was okay. Not great, not bad, just okay. Open bar was nice. Music was good. Dancing was poor. Dinner was good. Old people to young people ratio was horribly wrong and off.

On the way back home this morning, the right rear tire blew on my truck. I've never had a flat in my life. I've never changed a tire in my life. But today, I had a flat tire and I changed a flat tire. It was exhilirating. I got greasy. I think it turned M on a little bit to see me under the truck with a wrench, huffing and puffing, swearing and busting my knuckles. I changed the tire in about an hour (very slow... but it was my first time). I even had to go into the woods to find some cinder blocks to block the front left tire so the truck wouldn't roll away (yes, I put the truck in 4L and pushed down the emergency break... but ya can't be too careful with a big-ass truck raised in the air).

After that lil catastrophe, we made it home safe and sound. Now I gotta go pay $200+ for a new tire, but whatever. In fact, I should probably buy two new tires. 3 old tires + 1 new tire = bad for truck.... Right? Deutsch, help me out here!!

I taught Nick Flynn's Some Ether last week and my students wrote Nick Flynn influence poems for this week's workshop. So much fun to read these poems. I think I'll use this technique more often in future classes. When I can't write, it's the trick I use almost every time. Mimicking a voice is one way to jump-start my own voice. And it usually leads me to unexpected territory. Love that.

This week is Turkey Week. I love turkey. I love football. And I love autumn. It could be a good week. But I have lots of things I want to get done, so I hope I actually keep my nose to the grindstone and work hard.

Lots more to say, but I have some things to finish before bed. And I am reading Mary Gaitskill's Veronica, and I am almost done. I think I might finish it tonight. It's fucking brilliant. I went out and bought her other novel this weekend, Two Girls, Fat and Thin. I'm gonna jump right into it after Veronica. I also found and bought Rilke's Where Silence Reigns. It's a selection of prose, and it contains the doll essay that Bill's always talking about. Can't wait to get to it. So much to read, so little time!

dead-man

Marvin Bell was here tonight. His Q&A was amazing. So much insight (which I will share when I have more time to post). His reading was equally mesmerizing. I have a soft-spot for the dead-man poems and was delighted to hear him read a few of them.

Leaving for Winter Wheat early Friday morning. I'm excited. Lots of people to see, lots of sessions to visit, lots of drinking to do.

Contributor's copies of journals have been pouring into my mailbox the last couple days. The Southeast Review, issue 25.2, arrived a couple days back, and today I received the new issue of Redactions (it's a special issue dedicated to W.S. Merwin and his contributions to poetry... very cool). I also received word today that the new issue of Copper Nickel (issue #8) will be arriving any day now. Very cool. I love mail, maybe more than anything else. Sick? I know.

Back to Rilke. More later.

heavy jansport

Crisis averted. I will be at Winter Wheat.

A potentially ruthless financial situation arose, but I think M and I have now figured it out.

The world can go back to being happy.

"the exhaustion of seeing"

It's possible that Winter Wheat will be without me this year. Things are going down presently that may alter my plans for the weekend. Oh boy. If I don't make it, I think I might piss off some very lovely people....

And I'll be sad, very sad.

In other news: ouch!

Updates, when available, will follow. Because you care.

toast points

I'm flailing. Failing. Falling apart.

Apparently The End of Beauty is out of print. Who knew? So I will be teaching Sabrina Orah Mark's book, The Babies, instead. They are two totally different books, so I will still bring in a few of Graham's poems to teach a few things, but I really love Mark's book, too.

I kind of thought they'd win, but that was a close game, more or less. I expected a bit more from the Pats. Indy's defense really showed up.

I'm flailing. Failing. Falling apart.

My boy, Steven D. Schroeder, has a new project. A new journal. It's called Anti- and you should all go check it out.

I'm currently attempting to write an essay about Rainer Maria Rilke. I love his poetry. And I love writing. So why can't I combine those two loves into some sort of cohesive unit? I'm essaying my ass off, and I'm tired.

"Poetry occurs in the moment between perception and recognition." Who said that? I found it in a notebook of mine dated February 2000. I doubt I made it up. I love it though. And it's probably gonna be the cornerstone of this 'essay' I'm supposed to be writing. But if I attribute that quote to myself and it's something Larkin or Matthews or some other big-shot said, I'm gonna feel and look like a giant booger.

I'm flailing. Failing. Falling apart.

I know who said the following things. Rilke did.

"All the soarings of my mind begin in my blood."

"It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it. "

"More belongs to marriage than four legs in a bed."

"No great art has ever been made without the artist having known danger."

"There may be good, but there are no pleasant marriages."

I had no idea he was so "wise" about marriages. Haha.

I'm flailing. Failing. Falling apart.

Who knew such a thing existed? Whole books online? For free? I know I'm probably really behind on this, but wow! I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I've never done this before. I think I'll do this again sometime. Enjoy the links.

I teach at noon tomorrow. Then I need to book a flight to NYC for AWP. And register for AWP. And call-in a medication to the pharmacy. And make copies of poems for my students for Wednesday's class. And email some folks. And keep working on my Rilke essay. And spend time with my beautiful puppies. And try to salvage something very important to me, something most important to me.

I'm flailing. Failing. Falling apart.

i step on alligator, yessir

Good news from The Pinch today. They took two poems from my manuscript. You know, it never fails: I send the ms to 10 places, spend $200 on entry fees, and THEN get an acceptance at a good journal that would have looked very nice on my acknowledgements page. Oh well. I'll take what I can get.

At any rate, The Pinch is a beautiful magazine. I picked up a copy at AWP last year and was stunned by the quality. I'm excited.

In the mail today came issue 25.2 of The Southeast Review with my poem, "Still Life with Paranoia" in it. Was so nice to see. I don't actually like that poem. Funny how that works. I think it's a good poem, but I don't like it anymore. I've grown apart from it. It has some similarities to my more current work though, which is interesting.

Sent submissions to the big mags today: Alaska Quarterly Review, Tin House, Black Warrior Review, Denver Quarterly, Colorado Review, Boston Review, and Gulf Coast. The new poems are big, are good, and are ready for the competition... I hope. We will see come late winter/early spring.

Been stressed lately. Had a bad cold since early last week. Blah. M's got a new job lined up. I am very proud of her. It's the one, of the two she was seriously interviewing for, that she wanted most. I hope she likes it.

The dogs, who I love dearly, have been stressing us out a lot lately. They are still learning each other, still scoping each other out. Bella is very demanding and also quite stubborn. Rilke is just a puppy and is therefore not very understanding... not because she's dumb but because she's only 3 months old! It's been hard. People always say that having a baby will be the hardest thing you'll ever do, and I can absolutely see that being true. But the dogs are also so cute, so cuddly. And when they run around at the dog park chasing each other and they're sliding in the fallen leaves and slipping over each other and running so fast they can't stop, they are so precious.

Okay, I guess I should cook dinner. Pork chops and baked potatoes tonight. Yum. One of my favorites.

I need to destress and get my life back in order. Too much bs lately. Just too much.